What I learned from a video game (Bloodborne)

We live in a modern age where of course video games have the capacity to assist in teaching you some of life's biggest lessons. Bioware romances are the highlight of any Mass Effect or Dragon Age game for me while Fallout makes you feel loss and helplessness on an appropriate scale for the apocalypse, particularly in its latest installment. But, where I have been struggling with rejection trying to get published/an agent to hawk my wares, even these games fall short of inspiring me to keep pushing for that goal.

Why is that? I'm up against crazy odds--hell, in Mass Effect 2 they consider the endgame a suicide mission, says so on the soundtrack and everything. So what's the difference between that and a game such as Bloodborne? Well, the ramp up in difficulty for one. Games like Bloodborne expect you to bang your head against it a bit. Now, I'll admit, I've had an easier time than many because I ding my little co-op bell when I get scared, but there have been times and areas where I could ding and ding all day and it was just me and the giant-ass spiders. So, what did I do? Shut off the game and wait til the next day? Well, there were times I tried, but I'd inevitably go back (if I shut it off at all) and just say, "Well, I'm scared. There's a big chance I'll fail here. So...might as well face it head-on."

And so I did. And, you know what? I succeeded some of the time, just by being brave and running out there. And when I did get a companion who died to a boss or a tough bunch of enemies, I didn't always go down with them. I stood up and kept fighting and, some of the time, I won.

There is a huge metaphor for life here, not just in the way we approach our dreams but how we handle the everyday struggles.

It's weird, the parallel, and how my confidence has changed since meeting these virtual challenges. It doesn't hurt that this was a game I thought I'd play for an hour or so (not unlike Dark Souls, which, according to the save file, I lasted all of three hours in before hanging up the controller) and have since sunk three whole days worth of my life into.

 The result? Well, I’m approaching the submission and rejection process with a much healthier attitude. It’s hard and scary and I don’t like the odds. And I will fail, a lot. But there’s nothing like it, after all that pain, when you land that last, punishing blow on a boss you’ve been banging your head against for hours and you raise your weapon to the sky. The sweet, thrilling adrenaline rush of success.

I will feel that, too.

Even though I’ve hit a snag in my Bloodborne playthrough, I know, just like in real life--just like my book--to never give up.

Sometimes I wish I was a video game reviewer

Not just because I like games so much but because it would be nice to have a valid reason to go on and on about a game, especially when I'm in love. No, I'm pretty much over Fallout 4; I've beaten it, gone back to find stuff I missed and played the "end game" over again without even trying a different ending because I stuck with what I felt was right, as is my usual modus operandi in games. No, I'm more or less done with that. I'm talking about Bloodborne.

Bloodborne, which makes games like Fallout and even my precious Dragon Age: Inquisition look easy--almost boring by comparison. Who can compete with the stakes a "Souls" game (although, even after a second look, I still don't care much for Dark Souls itself) puts forth with every carefully placed ambush and AI so intelligent enemies will actually chase you up ladders to get the jump on you? That's what happened to me in one of the Chalice Dungeons, when an enemy didn't die falling off a bridge trying to get at me and he decided to run under the walkway I was on only to appear behind me on the ladder I had come up to get there. I was annoyed and impressed all at once.

But it's more than the sense of accomplishment after getting through a tough area or beating a boss. The visuals and accompanying lore are so rich and horrifically beautiful it's easy to get lost in dramatic sweeping shots of your own player camera and veritable volumes of videos and wiki pages concerning the various characters, events, items and secrets. When I'm not playing I all to often find myself watching videos of others playing. In fact, that's what piqued my interest to start with: I watched the entire Game Grumps playthrough, partially because, at the time, I didn't have a PS4 and, mostly, I had no intention of trying my hand at the notorious difficulty. But it is markedly easier than its predecessor, Dark Souls, especially when you've got a jump on what you're in for. I'm not talking about knowing maps or what enemies are where--I don't have the capacity to remember that kind of stuff. I'm talking about "Dummies" guides on how best to set up your character, how the mechanics work and carefully cultivated patience. You never just run in guns blazing on a game like this. Patience is key...at least until you are confident you can run past all the enemies to get where you need to go.

I'm just so happy a game I once joked about me maybe lasting two minutes in has given me so many hours of joy. Loads of frustration and screaming, "Come on!" at the TV? Yes. But it's worth it for every fistpump in the air upon victory and that breathless "Yeah!" that accompanies it.

Unblocking the Writer

As I've been in quite the writing slump of late, I've been searching the web for tips to get the creativity flowing again. I was reminded, as this eventually led to me just straight-up Googling writing exercises, that that was precisely what every writing teacher was trying to hammer into my head from the get-go. Writers write, for fudge's sake; it's in the name and everything.

So, I've gone from writing eff all to having three separate ideas progressing. Maybe not all that much or all at once, but if words are hitting the page I really can't complain. Freewriting is productive...or at least until I have a sort of narrative going. Then it becomes a little more narrow, less stream of consciousness. Let's face it, that type of writing is reserved for my all too infrequent blog entries (hello!).

Speaking of, I seem to have run out of water for that stream, so I'm just going to leave it here. Perhaps I'm reserving my creativity for all that fiction I've been talking about. Famous last words...maybe literally...for a while, anyway.

So close and yet so far...

I'm 13 out of 19 chapters in with my most recent (and hopefully last) "once-over" of my first novel, This Mortal Coil. So allow me to express my frustration with the headache I woke up with today. Today, the day before we celebrate our Thanksgiving with all the absent family members and I'm on forced hiatus (at least from my computer) while my boyfriend's cousin takes over my workspace so they may game epically side-by-side. Not that I'm sorry to have an excuse to play that much more Fallout, but I've been on kind of a roll lately.

At any rate, the "abridged" version of the book should be available soon and in print. I'll start promoting again once it is.

And as I've been delegated to entertain children via Xbox games, it looks like that little two day hiatus has started a day early. Oh well...the gamer in me really can't complain. Can I?

Soapboxes and Submissions

I feel like I've spent an inordinate amount of time up on my soapbox lately. Mostly this has been due to social and mainstream media being a split between support for France, Lebanon and the Syrian refugees and the frothing-at-the-mouth sectarian bigotry being spouted by the likes of Donald "I Get Closer to Hitler Every Day" Trump. I hate to cite that comparison, but there's a growing reason we're seeing it everywhere. No-one took Hitler all that seriously at first either. I'm just hoping all this pre-genocide type talk thrusts him even further down in the polls as opposed to lifting him up. You know, the way rounding all the illegal Mexicans up and tossing them unceremoniously over his wall at the border seemed to do.

But, occasionally, I have taken the time to step down off of it and away from social media and the TV. Well, actually, my only real contact with the TV is when I pass it on my way to the bathroom or the kitchen. I rarely watch TV on my own (Netflix and YouTube are where I get the bulk of my "Television" and I only call it that because that is the name of the device through which it is being projected at me), and even then it's usually something like HGTV and not anything to do with current events. Sometimes I even get some writing done...you know, when I'm not glued so tightly to Fallout 4 that I spend three straight nights dreaming I'm in dark, dirty rooms and broken buildings trying to determine the best means to slow time or target better and maybe score a headshot (or a sweet grenade hit, as seen in that video).

I have actually made a great deal of progress in a short period of time. Not to say I didn't drag my feet (or ass, or however my reluctance is best described) getting there. When asked what my first novel was about the other day, I only just then figured out how to best describe it in a succinct and direct manner without being too esoteric or going uh and errm a lot. Only just then.

I completed this novel in a period of seven months, spending another year or so editing it. I am currently going over it again just to be sure it is really ready this time to be submitted to agents. Using the query letter I only just wrote this week. This week, during which I've also been working on the sequel that I started right after I finished the first one...two years ago.

So...yeah. I am as legendarily slow a writer as I am a reader. And I don't even have a day job to blame this time. But I'm getting my mojo back...I think. At least, it's beginning to feel much more like when I first embarked on this quest to become an author. Now there's a game I'd very much like to get an achievement in. Hang with me and I might just give the notification when it's popped.

Long time, no...well, anything

Hello, hello, hello again from the brink of oblivion. I don't want anyone to think, due to the veritable shutdown of this blog and the corresponding Twitter, that I haven't been working with our Fair Weather Friends because I have, albeit in tiny pieces. Truth is, between some employment changes and the decision to try my hand at pumping out erotica (pun may or may not be intended, I haven't exactly decided), I just haven't been able to invest as much writing time in my favorite fantasy gang.

But they're coming back. Not just because I borrowed a few for said 18+ works, but in the actual medium where they belong. I imagine Reinbert is getting rather frustrated with me regardless, though his Facebook has been rather quiet. It's got to be hard to get those updates across from Oru when his main line has been all but broken. Also kind of hard to move around when you're consistently left in a sort of stasis by your creator.

At any rate, new novel is happening among the smut. And smut is happening, too, a handful of recognizable characters from the series appearing in a couple erotic shorts. The one in progress at the time of this entry I can only recommend reading if you're not bothered by spoilers. As much as this is not exactly the place to peddle this stuff, its predecessor can be found here, as well as a rather shocking appearance by Reinbert's main squeeze in this one. Just a reminder it is 18+ (or whatever the age of majority is in your country) and not for the faint of heart!

Friction

Kinda sorta considering compiling a few shorter pieces focusing on characters other than Astra. Not sure Amazon would exactly let me give it away for free so...maybe here or something as 'free fiction'? Sh*t, I almost typed 'friction'.  I think I may need to go to bed...